Truth in Terminology

So, Saturday night went pretty smoothly. There were glitches like in any planned event, but I'll get to that stuff in a later post. Right now I need to muse on the term "slave."

The evening was based on "Contemporary Leather", bringing to the surface parts of the Leather area as opposed to the outright BDSM community. To most people's ears, "slave" invokes a person chained in a cage with a large leather collar around their neck. Even to most people within a kinky lifestyle, it usually revolves around massive restrictions in what one can do or be. Waiting around to be given their orders. Sometimes they are seen as people who have very little responsibility and are "bottom of the barrel". There's also the Gorean view of a slave, which I will not even pretend to understand. Needless to say, the terminology doesn't quite mean the same thing to everyone.

The emphasis given to Eilen and I was very contradictory to what I'm used to thinking.

Before Saturday came upon us we had an idea of what "slave" meant for that night. Amabile and Piacere had sent out invitations with the explanations of the roles for the night, appropriate dress, protocols, etc. Here is an excerpt on the role of the slaves:

Contrary
to the traditional view, slaves in the contemporary leather world are
seen as highly skilled, intelligent and privileged individuals.
Their behaviour conveys the level of respect that they have for both
themselves and for their Master/Mistress. Poor behaviour, a lack of
poise and grace, not only reflects on the slave but also on the
competency of their Master/Mistress. The slaves are the MOST
important people attending the event. Their ‘presence’
will set the mood for the evening, their input will ensure that the
evening seamlessly flows without interruption.

(Now, I don't want to get caught up in semantics. Just take things at face value. This is someone's opinion and they're entitled to it just as you are.)

I can understand the highly valued part. I comprehend that a slave's behaviour mirrors onto their Master/Mistress. (I do have trouble agreeing with that one at times, but the Leather world isn't mine. So I'll leave it be.) The part I had the most difficulty with wasn't mentioned until Saturday, when Eilen and I were chatting with Piacere about our roles.

The slave is present to serve the household. Not the guests. Huh??? That boggled me so much, and in some ways still does. But Piacere did his best to explain.

The slave belongs to the household. Their purpose, as above, is to ensure the evening runs smoothly. This included taking the guest's coats and bags, escorting them upstairs, serving them drinks and dinner. But beyond a polite "good evening" from us and to provide the specific services Piacere entrusted to us, we were to defer anyone back to him. Idle conversation did not happen. The submissives in attendance could speak with us about the preparations or organisation of the dinner (one asked us to not give their partner her dessert, as he could not eat it) but still very little interaction.

Even as I'm writing this I'm talking to Eilen, trying to get it straight in my head. I understand on an intellectual level but instinctively, it is very difficult. My default is to do as people ask me to do. I very rarely say no to people I know, and I knew almost everyone in attendance that night. And here I was, to essentially say no to any request made not directly related to the dinner itself. (Politely, of course, using the protocols set for us.) It's a very difficult concept for me to grasp. Obviously, since I still don't really get it.

I subverted this problem by standing at the door for the whole beginning of the night. By doing that, I had a very specific role. Welcome guests, put coats and bags into the garage, escort guests upstairs. There was very little doubt in my mind as to what was appropriate or not. I still didn't do it very well - I don't know how many times I missed saying "this slave" and used a personal pronoun instead, or talked to Dominants without realising it. It was fucking difficult.

Where was I going with this? I'm not entirely sure. It was a new view of "slave" for me and one I think fits more closely with my view of things, ironically. If only I could figure it out.